Guest Contributor. It was a Saturday night, a typical gathering of somethings. The beer selection was Coors Light, Budweiser and Modelo. Not gourmet exactly, but I liked it. Most people made snide remarks, except one disheveled boy, bearded with a flannel shirt. Fit the part of a guy who would like a cheep beer. He grabbed a Coors Light and seemed to enjoy it. Sounds like a small thing, but that got me interested. Donny and I dated for three months before the topic of meeting family came up. I froze.
How to handle your teen’s interracial relationships
Last Updated: March 29, References. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in There are 16 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 15, times.
I have the fondest memories of my parents spontaneously stealing I tried to explain that his race didn’t matter to me, the way he treated me did. times to slip the topic of interracial dating into conversations with my parents.
Interracial dating isn’t without its problems, but today interracial relationships enjoy more support in the United States than they have at any point in history. While two decades ago, fewer than half of Americans approved of interracial marriage , now 65 percent of all Americans support such relationships, and 85 percent of young people do. Attitudes toward interracial marriage are so progressive that some people prefer to exclusively date interracially. But are they doing so for the wrong reasons?
Dating interracially with misguided motives will inevitably lead to problems. If only things were that simple. The idea of dating interracially to gain social status may seem peculiar. After all, interracial couples face discrimination that may lead to distinct disadvantages. Although today racial minorities can largely succeed in society on their own, some elite people of color may feel the need to score a spouse from another race to boost their image or better fit into the corporate landscape.
As soon as a black woman made it, she should marry a white man. No one should date interracially due to external pressures. But just as some high-powered men pursue trophy wives, some members of minority groups pursue mates from the dominant culture for status. Wherever you look, you see interracial couples. Your friends, colleagues and relatives are all dating interracially or have in the past.
5 Instances When Interracial Dating Is a Problem
This story was originally published by the school newspaper at Townsend Harris High School and is now being presented on the Daily News website as part of the Newsies! Eleven years ago, The Classic conducted a poll to determine the general opinions of students on interracial dating. As a concept that is still prevalent among Harrisites, we conducted a similar poll and series of interviews to see what has changed and what has stayed the same.
When you marry someone, you marry everything that made them who they are, including their culture and race. While marrying someone of a different race can have added challenges, if you go in with your eyes and heart wide open, you can face those challenges together and come out stronger. Here are a few things I’ve learned:. Your relationship needs to be tight enough not to let naysayers, societal pressure and family opinions wedge you apart, explained Stuart Fensterheim, a couples counselor based in Scottsdale, Arizona, and host of The Couples Expert podcast.
Luckily, my husband and I haven’t had to face many issues from the outside world. We’re so “old” according to our cultures, that our families were just thankful someone of the human race agreed to marry either of us, and we currently live in a diverse section of New York City where no one bats an eye at interracial couples. But having a strong relationship without trust issues helps us give each other the benefit of the doubt when one of us says something culturally insensitive.
We can talk about it, learn from it and move on without building up resentment or wondering about motivations. One way to begin, in the process of getting to know a new partner, is to maybe include some questions like, was the school you went to diverse, do you have diverse friends? Have you dated interracially before and if so, how did your family react? My husband and I were friends before we started dating, and we just organically ended up having these conversations.
At times, I was shocked at how little he ever thought about race before me, and that was something that worried me when I first started falling for him.
Three Couples (and One Therapist) Open Up About Interracial Marriage
If you’re in an interracial relationship , you may be crazy about your partner but dismayed that others disapprove. Communication and boundary-setting are key. Above all else, take the steps necessary to protect your relationship in the face of ongoing negativity. For your own mental health, assume that most people have good intentions. Perhaps people are staring because they consider you a particularly attractive couple.
Perhaps people are staring because they applaud you for being in a mixed relationship or because they belong to a mixed couple themselves.
quality parent-child relationships, however, do little to explain interracial daters’ more negative wellbeing outcomes. The negative effects of interracial dating.
You can read the full guidebook at The Grand Library here. The Guidebook covers key questions such as:. When should we talk about race? How do you deal with cultural differences rooted in race? How do you talk to parents about interracial relationships? How do you handle familial concerns about interracial relationships? What can you do to feel comfortable with your partner’s family? What does “being curious” look like in real life? How do you talk to kids about being biracial?
What’s next if parents don’t approve of your interracial relationship? Since the Supreme Court ruled in Loving vs. Virginia that marriage across racial lines is legal nationwide, interracial marriage has steadily increased. As of , one-in-six U.
The Newsies! awards honoree: A look at interracial dating and the parent problem
I grew up surrounded by love. Mike was the best beau a teen girl could have—tall, handsome, funny and happy to carry my books and hold my hand. He was great, so naturally I thought nothing of bringing him home for my parents to meet right after I turned When he left—after an hour of awkward silence interrupted by short bursts of conversation—the drama began. Still, I had to have Black male friends pretend to take me on dates to throw my parents off.
Find out when interracial dating is a problem with this list of troubling reasons, such as Rebellion against parents is never a reason to cross the color line A Guide to Understanding and Avoiding Cultural Appropriation.
There are so many amazing things that being part of a mixed family can bring to your life but of course like anything, beauty is complex. As your mixed race or biracial children get older, try understanding each issue with as much openness and understanding as you would any other. I never thought my kids would be making fun of my accent.
Accents, like any other part of their identity, can become fluid for mixed kids. Like anything, keeping the lines of communication open is the best way to deal with these discussions. We kept that conversation going for a long time, raising it at various times until we both came to an understanding about why it was important or not and what she our daughter would miss out on without it. It may seem trivial now but it took on more significance because we were so new to the interracial parenting scene.
Being biracial black and white, identity is and will be fluid. Associating different aspects to each cultural background, our kids are likely to adopt one over the other at different points in their lives. If they can pass as white , they might only identify as white.
‘This Is What It’s Like To Meet The Parents When You’re In An Interracial Relationship’
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How to Talk to Your Parents About Interracial Relationships. However, some parents might have concerns about you dating outside your race. You might also explain, “Being with my partner is great because they are very intelligent.
They had their own list of who I could and couldn’t date. What surprised me most about so many of my peers and about Seung was that they hadn’t fought for their right to pick their own partner with their parents. Even though Seung and so many people I talked to didn’t agree or support the parents’ narrow-minded boundaries, they didn’t bother to fight them on this. Sometimes out of fear, often out of respect and even more often waiting to see if they absolutely had to, which is what Seung did.
I’m not sure if me fighting with my mom and dad from 18 to 25 was harder won than Seung fighting with his parents over just me at his age. But thankfully, we both got the results we wanted and our parents are more well-rounded people for it. On your end, did your decision to date Seung affect any relationships for you? Did you feel any judgment from anyone in your extended family?